We'll never see Maya the Bee the same way again.
By now, the plight of bees is relatively common knowledge: Bees are dying (incidentally, like the rest of the insect world). Their pollination activity is critical to our food supply. So if they die, we'll probably die.
That's sort of stressful. Luckily, there's Pornhub.
What is pollination if not procreation? And what is the bee crisis if not a yawning sexual dry spell for Mother Nature?
Here's to "Beesexual." Created by BETC Paris—which keeps bees, and whose logo once sported a bee—the campaign rallies the power of porn stars to save our buzzing buddies … sort of like Captain Planet and the Planeteers, except you've seen them all naked.
"Beesexual" consists of a bunch of bee pollination videos, revisited with the voices of Abella Danger, Will Pounder, Kira Noir, Domino Presley and more, the better to illustrate nature's kinky boots-knocking.
Here's "How to Make a Flower Cum in 3 Seconds."
They're also LGBTQI+ friendly! Watch a trans bee pop a shy cherry blossom.
Interracial gay lovers also get their fix in this weirdly meditative rough-sex number.
The videos will be hosted on a dedicated Pornhub channel from today onward. For each view, Pornhub will donate funds to organizations like Operation Honey Bee and The Center for Honeybee Research.
(Fair warning: Use the BeeSexual channel link on Pornhub. Just searching for "beesexual" yielded lots of things that have nothing to do with bees. On the other hand, we did learn how to make sex toys out of common household objects. So our DIY skills have improved, but none of us can look each other in the face now.)
"Pornhub's 'Beesexual' campaign is of the utmost importance," says porn star Abella Danger. "There are about 4,000 different species of bees native to the United States, and more than 700 of them are rapidly declining due to their loss of habitat because of large scale farming. I'm so honored that I get to raise awareness on this issue … most importantly, I hope it helps the bees."
The campaign is a Pornhub Cares initiative, representing the company's philanthropic pursuits. Previous campaigns have included a "Save the Whales" effort, a $25,000 grant for human sexuality research, a Closed Captioning category for deaf and hearing-impaired porn lovers, and "Pornhub Blows," which provides free leaf removal services across the U.S.—bringing new meaning to the phrase "blow job."
All of this was a surprise to us, but maybe it shouldn't have been. When last we studied the porn site's antics, they'd built an art installation envisioning a sexual utopia, where politics is, ironically, a lot less fucked than it is now.
Contemplate everything you learned today over a Swedish massage.
A final word from BETC creative director David Martin Angelus: "Without bees helping plants get it on, the world as we know it wouldn't exist. Their sex literally saves humanity. If you ask me, that makes for porn worth watching."
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